Could you ever imagine that the spot you’re in right now was where you was going to end up? If I had known. So much I’ve learned. From a violent and insecure child to a calm, educated, profound, quite sophisticated woman. No longer lost in a mist of confusion, no longer impaired but arise from chaos – satisfied and spiritually found. I am aware of that my world could fall quite easily and it frightens me but I cherish my endorsement, appreciate it and hope for the best. For with a positive energy you are more likely to succeed. In this case succeeding relies on keeping. What it truly mean I am keeping to myself. Through weak years I found the strength, the strength helped me found me. I am always going to remember the tough moments in the past, but what makes me smile and love in present time shall forever be prioritised. Which is a reminder to myself not to let bad influences from the past control my happiness in my present. The journey is long, make it worth while.
The journey is long, make it worth while. January 31, 2008
Life is only borrowed January 30, 2008
It is 00.35 and I am doing my best to be the most utter exemplary up-stair neighbour. I hate leasehold flats. If I could have it my way in living arrangements I’d definitely have my own beach house, not due eventual respect to neighbours night’s rest but for my own comfort – not having to keep everything low on nights as these when I don’t go to sleep until 2-ish am. Why flats are not soundproof for everyone’s comfort is a mysterious evil to me.
Yesterday all the stress and anxiety I have been experiencing the last month disintegrated from tension to tears. Most is now over and can be left in the past (at least somewhat). The funeral of my aunt was last Wednesday and now my grandmother’s funeral is being planned. On the 22nd of Feb we will say our final goodbyes to her. It has been tough to loose two so loved family members (not everyone are loved) in 1 month only. One due doctors inadequate and one to old age. Mourning lost ones really do take time. I lost my father at 19 years of age but I did not mourn him, it isn’t easy to mourn someone who has hurt you very bad. How close your relative-bonds may be. Sometimes it is only by blood and not heart two people are connected.