Kitty Boo

Who the hell care what I have to say anyway?

Preparing for motherhood March 31, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life,Plans — Billie Jean @ 2:55 pm
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Have been at my mothers today. My uncle + more helped her with the last stuff. She is now entirely moved into the new apartment.

Tomorrow is the second appointment with the midwife.

I, myself, have talked to Anna P and now have a number for what would be appropriate for rent and can now really find myself a new apartment.

The number means that everything will go well and that this is really going to happen. It felt really bad that I had got myself pregnant and not knowing I could get myself an appropriate apartment but luckily everything is going according my mentally mapped out plans. So far. It is a relief and I have informed the father of my baby that it is going to happen – we will have this baby.

He, by the way, has got stress related zits. He is not ready for fatherhood :-).

Which is the reason to why I am getting an apartment by myself and for myself and the child. He is not involved in anything at the moment. When (or shall I say if) he is ready we can modify the living arrangements.

Nothing from this apartment except the electronic items (and the sofa which I plan to re-dress and pillow-up to save money) is going to the new apartment.

The baby is not due for another 7 months, I am going to begin buying the things for the baby in perhaps the 6th of 7th month.

The following months, I will get the new furniture and store them still packed for the move. I am figuring… I need new outfits this months so will buy that and the cheapest of the furniture which is the shelf.

Next month, maybe I’ll get the new bed. Who knows.

I want to clear out an earlier, possibly conflicting, statement how I am responsible enough to wait with becoming pregnant until living arrangements and such are in order. Well, here I am pregnant and things are not in order. So let me explain this. The idea was to have children in about at least 3 years from now and here I find myself pregnant. I had that time limit because it felt right these days, who knows what happens down the line but that was my feelings around it at this time. I was not sure that I could even become pregnant (OK not reason enough to be careless) and now I realize that something someone told me now years ago that you may not become pregnant because you are not feeling well (mentally) and all of a sudden you are better and find yourself pregnant. This is what happened to me. While with my ex we tried to get pregnant without success which is why I did not believe 100% that I could become pregnant since nothing came of that. Being in a bad place both mentally and physically back then I see how the statement probably is the reason. Today, I have never been better than I am today. And viola!

 

Pregnancy March 28, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 11:12 am
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Pregnancy hormones makes a mother to be less smart, but you shouldn’t be focusing on anything else than your baby when pregnant, anyway. Is it the best kept secret? I, for one, had never known that you become such a different person when pregnant because of the hormones. I had always relied on my brain, my brain was my weapon and my shield. Now not only can I not think outside the box but my box has shrunk. It is different than to what I’m use to. It’s unfamiliar and a bit of a pain. Plus I miss the ego that being intelligent gave me. But hey! Anything for my baby. And after having gave birth (scary thought) and breast fed I will be able to view the world through my wide perspective again.

Current situation:

I’m 8 weeks. My partner of almost 4 years and father of baby does not appear to be even slightly ready to become a father at this point so I do now know what will be. Searching for a better apartment downtown, near the central station. Visits to the midwife and other contacts to learn all about this situation from the money, rights and support perspective.

 

It would be a good idea if you waited a while before you get pregnant??? March 8, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 5:25 am
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I do not know how other people function, but I am very different today as an adult as I was several years ago in my teen years. I have mentally and intellectually matured to a point beyond many don’t. I have much going for me, I am very responsible and have respect for myself and others. I am not in any sense at all naive and my judgment is very clear. I am sensible, rational, and logical. It may sound right now like am boasting but it is because I haven’t got to my point yet. In my teens I was very violent and in my early 20’s I nearly did not survive due lack of love for myself (but that is another story, lack of love is simply a sum up). So because of circumstances I met with a second cousin that I had not spoke with or heard from since back then, when my life wasn’t going anywhere. We talked and the subject of children came up, I said I have some things that needs to be taken care of before I can consider becoming pregnant (as I said I am responsible and believes living arrangements and such should be in order first). This is what I don’t like, without respect and doing any investigation into my life and me as a person today she blurted out that she really thinks I should wait before I have children. To me, that proves I am better than her (which feels good) because I know she do not have the intellect enough to realize what personifies a good human being. But I suppose that she didn’t have a good opinion of me do matter somehow because I am hurt by it. It is not like I care about what people think of me (trust how little I do) but I believe I may have a quite soft heart for family. It is sad but what can I do. It is not as if I would go to any extent to prove anyone wrong because I feel I don’t need it, I know what I am and that is quite enough. But I think when given the opportunity I will certainly correct her on that matter. You know.. it is so difficult to change peoples opinion on you, because they are stuck inside their box. On another hand I am not so sure that she is all that careful with what she say in general, some are not so understanding with other than themselves.