Kitty Boo

Who the hell care what I have to say anyway?

Just words. April 8, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 4:27 pm
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Two nights ago was very intense as I for the first time felt LOVE for my unborn. You coming as a surprise is very welcome.

And hey it’s been raining for 2 days and trees are at it’s first stage of blossoming and at this very moment it is raining snow.

 

So much I want to say April 7, 2008

Filed under: Life — Billie Jean @ 4:27 pm
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I can never explain myself fully in your presence. I get lost, can’t express it well. So much is lost in my translation between the heart, the mind and shaping it orally. And there is so much I want you to understand.

I can just wish that in some way you do know. That you know enough to understand that you mean the world to me and I happy to be with you.

 

Fiery March 12, 2008

Filed under: Family — Billie Jean @ 7:56 am
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This entry, like the last, is the expressions of vivid feelings transpire while supposing to successfully fall asleep. It does not happen to me very often thankfully, but sometimes I can’t fall asleep because I become upset about something and I become so fiery. And while it’s so intensely on my mind and as some attempt to let it out I come here typing about it. This time it’s about the eldest of my brothers. He is my half brother. He do not like my mother, I get that, that’s fine. But I LOVE her, she is my world. I do not understand why every time we speak on the phone he has to say negative things about her. He must be very unsatisfied with his own life. Which I think he mentioned one time, explaining how the only highlight in his life was winning some popular street-style fight in Thailand many years ago now. He speaks of things about my mother that are over 20 years old. How Pathetic is that to start with? And second how the hell dare he speak to me like that about my mother? Thing is, if a person speaks bad about one person he probably do it about everyone else too, and absolutely about the person he is trash talking someone to. I do not doubt that he speaks bad about everyone, in fact I’m almost sure he is. He has a son, he has his own firm, he at least seem to have a wonderful relationship. So, what the heck is his problem? I do not like when someone speaks ill of someone else in general. I feel it’s so unnecessary and such a waste of time. I’m all for being happy and finding your own happiness and fighting towards it rather than baring a lot of thoughts towards things that are unpleasant. It is not good for you. But it is your loss if you chose to go that way. I kind of feel when you are an adult you have a choice. He is 10 years older than me and still haven’t got to that point. That’s sad. But not my problem. I like good people, and I do not find trash talking to be cool at all. Having a good heart is cool to me. Well damn, fuck him.

 

The journey is long, make it worth while. January 31, 2008

Filed under: Life — Billie Jean @ 6:37 am
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Could you ever imagine that the spot you’re in right now was where you was going to end up? If I had known. So much I’ve learned. From a violent and insecure child to a calm, educated, profound, quite sophisticated woman. No longer lost in a mist of confusion, no longer impaired but arise from chaos – satisfied and spiritually found. I am aware of that my world could fall quite easily and it frightens me but I cherish my endorsement, appreciate it and hope for the best. For with a positive energy you are more likely to succeed. In this case succeeding relies on keeping. What it truly mean I am keeping to myself. Through weak years I found the strength, the strength helped me found me. I am always going to remember the tough moments in the past, but what makes me smile and love in present time shall forever be prioritised. Which is a reminder to myself not to let bad influences from the past control my happiness in my present. The journey is long, make it worth while.