This entry, like the last, is the expressions of vivid feelings transpire while supposing to successfully fall asleep. It does not happen to me very often thankfully, but sometimes I can’t fall asleep because I become upset about something and I become so fiery. And while it’s so intensely on my mind and as some attempt to let it out I come here typing about it. This time it’s about the eldest of my brothers. He is my half brother. He do not like my mother, I get that, that’s fine. But I LOVE her, she is my world. I do not understand why every time we speak on the phone he has to say negative things about her. He must be very unsatisfied with his own life. Which I think he mentioned one time, explaining how the only highlight in his life was winning some popular street-style fight in Thailand many years ago now. He speaks of things about my mother that are over 20 years old. How Pathetic is that to start with? And second how the hell dare he speak to me like that about my mother? Thing is, if a person speaks bad about one person he probably do it about everyone else too, and absolutely about the person he is trash talking someone to. I do not doubt that he speaks bad about everyone, in fact I’m almost sure he is. He has a son, he has his own firm, he at least seem to have a wonderful relationship. So, what the heck is his problem? I do not like when someone speaks ill of someone else in general. I feel it’s so unnecessary and such a waste of time. I’m all for being happy and finding your own happiness and fighting towards it rather than baring a lot of thoughts towards things that are unpleasant. It is not good for you. But it is your loss if you chose to go that way. I kind of feel when you are an adult you have a choice. He is 10 years older than me and still haven’t got to that point. That’s sad. But not my problem. I like good people, and I do not find trash talking to be cool at all. Having a good heart is cool to me. Well damn, fuck him.