Kitty Boo

Who the hell care what I have to say anyway?

Pregnancy March 28, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 11:12 am
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Pregnancy hormones makes a mother to be less smart, but you shouldn’t be focusing on anything else than your baby when pregnant, anyway. Is it the best kept secret? I, for one, had never known that you become such a different person when pregnant because of the hormones. I had always relied on my brain, my brain was my weapon and my shield. Now not only can I not think outside the box but my box has shrunk. It is different than to what I’m use to. It’s unfamiliar and a bit of a pain. Plus I miss the ego that being intelligent gave me. But hey! Anything for my baby. And after having gave birth (scary thought) and breast fed I will be able to view the world through my wide perspective again.

Current situation:

I’m 8 weeks. My partner of almost 4 years and father of baby does not appear to be even slightly ready to become a father at this point so I do now know what will be. Searching for a better apartment downtown, near the central station. Visits to the midwife and other contacts to learn all about this situation from the money, rights and support perspective.

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Down the line… March 12, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 9:48 pm
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What I am concerned about, sometime down the line, is the interference of in-laws (more the motherinlaw) when the time comes to have a family of my own. There is a huge difference between helping and interfering. My ex motherinlaw was from hell (literary) so with that experience I have been both frightened and causios not to become too acquainted with the current one. Perhaps it’s ridiculous but over the period of soon 4 years I have come face to face with her only a handful of instances. I hope that I can find the strength to make sure that both parties are satisfied. After all, my child would be their grandchild and they would want to be in his life as well as that I want them to be.

 

Fiery

Filed under: Family — Billie Jean @ 7:56 am
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This entry, like the last, is the expressions of vivid feelings transpire while supposing to successfully fall asleep. It does not happen to me very often thankfully, but sometimes I can’t fall asleep because I become upset about something and I become so fiery. And while it’s so intensely on my mind and as some attempt to let it out I come here typing about it. This time it’s about the eldest of my brothers. He is my half brother. He do not like my mother, I get that, that’s fine. But I LOVE her, she is my world. I do not understand why every time we speak on the phone he has to say negative things about her. He must be very unsatisfied with his own life. Which I think he mentioned one time, explaining how the only highlight in his life was winning some popular street-style fight in Thailand many years ago now. He speaks of things about my mother that are over 20 years old. How Pathetic is that to start with? And second how the hell dare he speak to me like that about my mother? Thing is, if a person speaks bad about one person he probably do it about everyone else too, and absolutely about the person he is trash talking someone to. I do not doubt that he speaks bad about everyone, in fact I’m almost sure he is. He has a son, he has his own firm, he at least seem to have a wonderful relationship. So, what the heck is his problem? I do not like when someone speaks ill of someone else in general. I feel it’s so unnecessary and such a waste of time. I’m all for being happy and finding your own happiness and fighting towards it rather than baring a lot of thoughts towards things that are unpleasant. It is not good for you. But it is your loss if you chose to go that way. I kind of feel when you are an adult you have a choice. He is 10 years older than me and still haven’t got to that point. That’s sad. But not my problem. I like good people, and I do not find trash talking to be cool at all. Having a good heart is cool to me. Well damn, fuck him.

 

It keeps me puzzled… March 10, 2008

Filed under: Life — Billie Jean @ 5:14 pm
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This is so deviant and enigmatic that it has kept puzzling me. I am truley so disturbed and perplexed. I haven’t mentioned anything to him about how I am perceiving it cause – how do I tell a friend that something that he has a broken heart from is abnormal.

The story is, I had lost a dear family member and expected both condolences and emotional support from my friend. I heard nothing from him until after a week had passed when he approached me with that his puppy had died. OK, this is all sad, I love animals myself – but he had the puppy for 3 days and my friend had been in such a bad shape because of it’s death that he had completely broke apart and had been laying in his bed for a week in pain and crying over this. On top of this he keeps its ashes in a urn at home which isn’t my problem or an issue just further adds to the disturbness. He couldn’t be there for me because of a dog he had for THREE days, this pisses me off.

This is not a child I am talking about, he is an adult of 30 years of age. And quite frankly, this scares me and that is a healthy reaction to me.

Is it me, am I being mean?

 

Online friends making and chatting.

Filed under: Chatting,Socializing — Billie Jean @ 1:23 am
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I thought I wasn’t feeling online friends-making or chatting but I have come to realize that I somewhat do – I just don’t enjoy it with the flirty type of man. So I most preferably chat with other women than men (While in real life I stay away from other women because we are so deceitful towards one-another). I am not really into getting to know men net-wise who act with a flirty attitude, I’m just not up for it/feelin it. I find it is strenuous and demanding. I believe the reason to why I thought I wasn’t in to it even a bit is because that is the type of men I come across mostly while attempting to interact online.

Why do I feel this way? I’m not quite sure. Is the reason that they are such a pain in the butt reason enough?

 

It would be a good idea if you waited a while before you get pregnant??? March 8, 2008

Filed under: Family,Life — Billie Jean @ 5:25 am
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I do not know how other people function, but I am very different today as an adult as I was several years ago in my teen years. I have mentally and intellectually matured to a point beyond many don’t. I have much going for me, I am very responsible and have respect for myself and others. I am not in any sense at all naive and my judgment is very clear. I am sensible, rational, and logical. It may sound right now like am boasting but it is because I haven’t got to my point yet. In my teens I was very violent and in my early 20’s I nearly did not survive due lack of love for myself (but that is another story, lack of love is simply a sum up). So because of circumstances I met with a second cousin that I had not spoke with or heard from since back then, when my life wasn’t going anywhere. We talked and the subject of children came up, I said I have some things that needs to be taken care of before I can consider becoming pregnant (as I said I am responsible and believes living arrangements and such should be in order first). This is what I don’t like, without respect and doing any investigation into my life and me as a person today she blurted out that she really thinks I should wait before I have children. To me, that proves I am better than her (which feels good) because I know she do not have the intellect enough to realize what personifies a good human being. But I suppose that she didn’t have a good opinion of me do matter somehow because I am hurt by it. It is not like I care about what people think of me (trust how little I do) but I believe I may have a quite soft heart for family. It is sad but what can I do. It is not as if I would go to any extent to prove anyone wrong because I feel I don’t need it, I know what I am and that is quite enough. But I think when given the opportunity I will certainly correct her on that matter. You know.. it is so difficult to change peoples opinion on you, because they are stuck inside their box. On another hand I am not so sure that she is all that careful with what she say in general, some are not so understanding with other than themselves.

 

Plans, changes. February 18, 2008

Filed under: Plans — Billie Jean @ 3:07 pm
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I am going to innovate my home totally. I will gradually replace & restyle.

Prioritised to the top of the list is the case & the bed:

Then things from the below pictures:

After this I will tend to the electric accessories such as a flat TV, new monitor (also flat, ofc). HAven’t checked on this yet and before I will actually get it I’m sure the market is more fresh so will check at a later time. After that, shall a drivers license be taken. No more bullshit – time to DO stuff! I am however very immediately jumping on a course to prepare for the job I soon shall employ.